


I told you I was brave but I lied

by Shrug (Icynightsky)



Category: Hermitcraft RPF, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Pre-Exile Arc, Swearing, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27948410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icynightsky/pseuds/Shrug
Summary: "Tommy and Tubbo aren’t as close as they once had been, lately Tommy has been burning bridges and at this rate Tommy would be the one to leave, not Tubbo, who has a country to run, something a child shouldn’t have to do. The End knows that this boy, who it has watched through stars and trees and grass and the sky is reaching his breaking point. And it can’t bear to let it happen, it can’t lose any more people. So it guides Xisuma to the end, guides the admin to this tired, shaking boy who looks at him with so much distrust, it’s palpable. The hermits are left to find a way to get this boy, who’s merely a shadow of his former self, to his former glory, to the point where he knows people are there for him. Where not everyone is there for harmful chaos and wars that shouldn’t involve children."Or the AU from the time after Wilbur's death and before Tubbo's peaceful driven presidency can really begin because rebuilding has just started: The universe takes Tommy from Dreamsmp and asks the admin of Hermitcraft to help him heal. Cue Tommy now in Hermitcraft re-learning how to live again and not just survive because he deserves a chance to be a kid again.
Comments: 83
Kudos: 597





	1. Xisuma: The Boy the End Loves

**Author's Note:**

> AN: based on this post [https://blocklasagna.tumblr.com/post/636133553524146176/listen-i-fucking-love-the-idea-of-tubbo-and-tommy] 
> 
> also chapter titles are structured [character's pov]: title

The End told him he _had_ to go. It called to him and called to him until he could not put it off longer. When he tells Joe he's going to the Deep End, Joe doesn't ask questions, just wishes him a safe trip. He hopes it'll be a safe trip too. 

When he arrives in the Deep End the void sings to him. It calls and beckons him with an urgency he has not heard in a long time. He follows its call until he spots a figure curled on a small island floating in the middle of nowhere. The closer he gets the more confused he feels. Why is there a human, a human child, here? 

The End loves this child, it curls around them protectively like a guardian as he lands on the small island. Child is not quite the right term he finds, realizing the person in front of him is taller than most of his hermits and nearly as tall as him. What was the word again, a teenager? The End agrees before it comes to him and shows him a series of images he doesn't understand. _The smell of fire and gunpowder. The sound of explosions, fireworks, and a mocking laughter. "It was never meant to be. It was never meant to be. If you want to be a hero then die like one."_

The End shows him these images and says, _Hurt. Lost trust… Watch over him... Help him heal… until his father can come for him…_

The End blankets him in love and ruffles the child- teenager's hair, before slipping away back into the nothingness. This teenager must be _very_ important to someone _very_ powerful. For the End to be worried about this teenager who, as far as he could tell, had no End based origin - that was something new to him. 

Pulling off his helmet, he pulls up his code screens around him and sets to work on letting the teen into his world. So Hermitcraft would have a visitor for a while. He wonders how his hermits will react to that. Nothing but acceptance and compassion he premusses. Maybe a little chaos and silliness but Hermitcraft wouldn't be home without it. It takes a short amount of time to manipulate the code of the unknown teen into Hermitcraft. And really it only takes that long because he goes out of his way to not actually look at any of the details of the teenager in front of him. The End had told Xisuma that he, the teen, had been hurt by others, that he had lost trust in others. He was pretty sure that digging for personal info in someone's code was a violation of trust and privacy. Especially when he didn't even know the teen's name. Right, he should fix it to hide the name when he rejoins Hermitcraft with the teen. That's the kind of thing he'd rather reveal in a meeting and not have everyone in chat question when it appeared. Especially because Xisuma was planning on giving the teen his own communicator if he wanted one. But he'd have to get him back to Hermitcraft in the first place. 

After putting his helmet back on, he hoists the teen up and nearly drops him. The teen is much lighter than he had been expecting. Especially with how tall he is. That was worrying. He'll have to get Joe to do a health check and make sure nothing more was wrong than simply being too underfed. He starts his flight back home and the teen merely curls closer to him, muttering something he doesn't hear. Xisuma holds the teen a little tighter and hurries home. 

* * *

“A kid?” Joe asks, looking at him in disbelief. The poet and pseudo-admin had come over first thing when Xisuma had returned to Hermitcraft and had sent a vague message about needing medical help. 

“A teenager more like it, remember how mad Mumbo used to get when we called him a kid all the time?” Xisuma reminds his friend who looks over the teen with a careful eye and gentle touch as to not wake him. 

Joe hums in thought but doesn't answer. A moment of silence passes as Joe continues his examination. He's thankful to Joe for not asking more questions about the situation yet because to be honest he doesn't quite know how to fully explain it himself yet. The teen grumbles something and rolls over in his sleep, startling both him and Joe. The unaware teen continues to sleep even as Joe drapes a blanket over him and starts talking to Xisuma in hushed tones, "Well aside from the visible exhaustion and lack of sustainable food or nutrition he seems to be fine. There are a few healing scabs and scars that raise an eyebrow but there's not much I can do about those."

"What do you suggest?" He asks as Joe follows him out of the room and into the hallway, the door remaining slightly cracked open behind them. 

"Rest and a steady supply of proper meals. Smaller portions first, I don't think your new guest will be able to eat much at once when he wakes up." Joe supplies even as his focus seems to drift away from Xisuma and their conversation near the end of his answer.

"Any concerns?” He can’t help but ask Joe, “You look troubled my friend."

Joe looks back to the room they stand outside of and ushers Xisuma a little further down the hall. Joe looks at Xisuma in a way he knows means serious business when Joe says, "I know you want to explain it all to everyone at once later so I'll be frank with you here when I say this Xisuma. You showed up, three days ago, to tell me you'd be going to the Deep End. I know that is where you are originally from and it's where you grew up but this is a human child. How did you go to the Deep End and come back with a human teenager who looks like he's been through an actual war with the amount of scars he has?"

That catches him off guard, "I don't know…"

Joe turns on him with quiet furry he always forgets his kind friend has, "Xisumavoid - 

"Joe Hills please let me speak." He raises his voice slightly louder than Joe's and commands with his authority as admin. He gets why Joe is angry and he's sure whatever scars Joe noticed are not pretty. But he doesn't have the answers Joe wants. He can at least try to explain it though, "Thank you, as I was trying to say, I don't know. The End, the universe, and the void are all one in the same existence. They're connected in ways I do not understand nor think anyone understands. These separate yet connected entities that have been confused for one another time and time again. They are powerful in ways no one knows the scope of. At first when the End called me home I ignored it. It's not often but even I get homesick for the home I grew up with. But it got to the point where I could no longer ignore the End's call and I went without knowing why it was calling me. I didn't not know what I was going to find or what I was looking for until I found this teen alone in the middle of nowhere in the Deep End where no humans can reach on their own. I do not know his name or his story or his history but the void called me home and brought me to this child it loves. I have never seen the End love a human child this fiercely enough that it would use so much power to try and help. The universe could fall out of balance for a while solely because of what it did to bring this child to a place I could go and call me to bring him here. I do not know why or how this happened but the End told me to help him heal and watch over him until his father can come for him. Whoever is his father is a very powerful person indeed and is someone the End adores just as much as they adore him."

Joe takes a moment to process what he’s been told before it seems to dawn on him just how quickly this had all happened, "... Well that's not what I expected…"

"Welcome to the club my friend." Xisuma agrees with a tired nod.

"If you want this to work you're going to need everyone involved and informed of this." Joe says as he turns and heads further down the hall towards the door.

"You think so?" He asks because he had been thinking about getting a few people involved but he didn’t think that everyone needed to be involved. He realizes Joe is heading to leave, but thankfully Joe turns back to wait for him before he continues towards the base’s exit. 

Joe nods, "There's a human saying that goes, it takes a village. And based on physical health alone we're going to need all hands on deck in this village to follow what the End has asked of you."

He watches Joe put on his elytra as he contemplates what Joe had said. It takes a village huh? When Joe fastens his elytra on completely he has to ask, "What makes you say that?" 

Joe gives him a knowing smile, "I don't know Mr. Starved to death only two weeks ago now what makes you think I'd say that?" 

"Okay point taken." Xisuma says, waving Joe off towards the exit having understood the point.

Joe laughs but allows himself to be herded away. Just before taking off he turns to Xisuma and says, "So then, I'll tell everyone to meet tomorrow at noon." 

"Wait, Joe!" Xisuma calls out after Joe, but it's too late.

"I'll see you there Xisuma!" Joe calls back, already flying away. Good lord things were going to get even more chaotic around here now weren’t they? Still, he thinks, the best times in Hermitcraft were the craziest so perhaps that’s for the best.


	2. Tommy: Waking Up in Unfamiliar Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again people welcome to conversations about video game mechanics but like as real life. i hope this all makes sense bc i sure didn't beta read

It's warm. He can feel cool air on his skin but for some reason he feels the warmth more. He feels safe. Safe in a way he doesn’t remember feeling for a long time now. He can hear the whistle of wind and the occasional sound of flapping wings. There’s a steady heartbeat he can hear clearly nearby. This is the best dream he’s had in a long time. He doesn’t want to ever wake up.

* * *

When he wakes up he’s in a place he doesn’t recognize. It's bright but only in the way the sun catches on the yellow and white block pallet around him. Where is he? It's warm here, warm and bright. His hands catch on the grey blanket around him as he slowly sits up, hesitantly eying the area around him. The sound of footsteps catches down the hallway and he freezes in place. No, no, no, please not again. His hands curl into the fabric of the blanket and his panic is all but halted when he realizes there’s something on his wrist.

There on his left wrist is one of Phil’s wristbands. The red heart seems to help keep his own steady even though it's merely a picture. At least he thinks it's only a picture, Phil had magic he didn’t usually understand on a good day. He slips a finger under the band and spins it around his wrist, making sure it's actually there and not some sort of hallucination. He catches the feeling of a piece of paper on the inside part of the wrist band. Slowly he turns his arm over and pulls out a small, folded up piece of paper from the space between his wrist and the band. Ignoring the way his fingers tremble slightly, he begins to unfold the paper to reveal a message.

_Tommy,_

_I’m sorry to do this without asking you first but I feared that if I did not get you out of this smp asap I would lose another one of my bois to whatever has infected this server. I cannot say for certain where you will be once you wake up, but you will be safe wherever you are. I wish I could say all I want to let you know but time grows short and there is much to do. I will get your brothers back to normal I swear it. When it's safe again I will come for you. By wearing my wristband I will know you are safe and you are alive, just as you will be able to tell the same of me. I love you Tommy, and I hope wherever the universe has decided to send you will give you a chance to remember and experience the world as it should be, unaffected by whatever has dream’s smp. A world full of all the things you think are merely dreams. I love you Tommy, please never doubt that, and I'll come bring you home soon._

_Ph1lza_

His heartbeat is echoing in his ears. Phil, Phil abandoned him. Something was wrong on the dream smp, no one actually hated him. Phil loved him. His brothers were in danger. His friends were in danger. Wilbur was dead and Techno had killed him. Phil left him to keep him safe. Phil loved him. He was all alone now.

Someone clears their throat way too close to him. Immediately he crumples up the paper and swallows it whole. Ow, his throat is scratchy already before eating paper so that doesn’t help it in the slightest. 

“Oh my goodness me, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” An unfamiliar voice apologizes. He turns his head to look at a tall person in some sort of bed outfit? Yeah no, that's a bee outfit alright. It's a weird one, like it's painted armor of done sort but the colors don't lie. Especially not with an actual bee hovering next to the person. He narrows his eyes to try and make out the detai

* * *

ls of this person who isn't even that far away from him. Why is his vision blurry? 

He blinks rapidly, trying to get his eyes to focus but it doesn't seem to be working. He's so confused. Where is he? Why is he here? Who is the bee person? Someone is talking to him or maybe he's just hearing voices again. The entire world blurs together and his head throbs. Everything goes dark. 

Waking up again is painful. His head hurts, his throat hurts, and he feels so weak. Is he sick? He doesn't remember the last time he was sick. 

"Are you back with me now?" There’s that unfamiliar voice again. It's soft and warm like one of Wilbur’s sweaters he used to wear when he was small and they were much too big for him. He manages to open his eyes enough to make out the weird bee themed man at his bedside. Two bees over the man’s shoulders can be seen flying away out of the room when he starts to move.

"...hhhh?" Is all he manages to get out in some sort of whine. His mind nor voice wanted to cooperate with him. He felt like absolute shit.

"I'm assuming you have questions for me, yes?" The bee man asks and he nods slowly. He very much so would like some answers to whatever the fuck was going on. The bee man's expressions are hard to read through the dude's helmet with only the visor really giving him a glimpse of what bee man's expressions are. He thinks that the bee man is worried about him though because the bee man keeps talking, "Well I'll be happy to answer them if in exchange you could eat some of this food and at least drink some of a regen potion."

The bee man brings a pink potion and some bread into his field of view. The bee man looks at him expectantly and he is hungry and he feels like shit but he can't. Bee man has only been nice to him but he doesn't trust anyone. Not after Wil blew up L'manburg. Not after Techno killed him and his friends. He manages to get his voice to work enough to rasp out a response, "...No…" 

"No? Do you not feel like eating? You surely have not been eating enough with how light you are, never mind how pale your skin looks." The bee man looks worried and he feels bad for making the bee man worry. The bee man keeps talking, "Well I would rather you don't pass out on me again, gave me quite a scare there earlier. Is there something wrong with the food? Do you not like bread?" 

He loves bread. Bread reminds him of L'manburg in the very beginning. Of Niki's bakery and laughter. Of better and more peaceful times. He's dragged out of his thoughts when the bee man keeps talking. 

"I promise you it's rather good, I just baked it fresh myself earlier. It wouldn't hurt to at least give eating a try would it? I promise you it's edible, I'm not that horrible in the kitchen." Bee man looks at him and he feels like the bee man can read his mind because the bee man asks, "Would it make you feel better to see me eat some of it first?" 

He nods as much as he can without making himself dizzy. Which isn't very much sadly. Bee man doesn't take it personally though because bee man chuckles and he finds he doesn't mind at all because he knows the bee man isn't laughing at him. 

"All right then give me a moment," The bee man says and he's confused for a moment before the bee man lifts his hands to the sides of his helmet, flicks some latches, and pulls it off. There's a soft hissing noise as the bee man removes the helmet and sets it to the side. He watches the bee man pick up a piece of bread and rip a chunk of it off to eat. Purple eyes seem to glow slightly just like the purple freckles on the bee man's face that he hadn't seen before because of the helmet. The bee man eats and remains completely fine after the fact. He feels better about this now and the bee man offers him some bread while saying, "See, perfectly fine. I'd be happy to brew a new potion right here in front of you if you're worried about it as well."

"...Thanks.." He says as he slowly starts to eat the bread. He's starving but he knows eating too much too fast will only hurt in the long run so he forces himself to eat slower. There's simply silence that is strangely not uncomfortable while he eats the first loaf of bread. He thinks the bee man leaves the room for a moment, because when he looks back up after eating the bee man has out a brewing stand and potion materials. The materials for a regen potion. With the man is another few bees that the man waves away out of the room.

It's when he's handed the second loaf which he takes with another quiet thanks that the bee man breaks the silence, "You're quite welcome. Ah goodness me where are my manners, I did say I'd answer your questions. Well for starters my name is Xisuma and I'm the admin of the world we currently both are in which is called Hermitcraft."

The bee man, Xisuma, is the admin of this world. Hermitcraft is not a place he's ever heard of before. He only has more questions now, "How…?" 

"How did you get here?" Xisuma finishes, looking to him before continuing at his nod in response to the admin's question. "Well to be honest I only know so much about that myself. About two days ago I found you in the middle of nowhere in the deep End. You definitely could not have gotten there on your own nor could you have survived there on your own. I was tasked by the End itself to help you and keep you safe until your father could come for you. That is all I know."

That answer only makes him more confused, "The End?" 

Xisuma stops paying attention to making the potion and turns to him, the admin's helmet still being off allows him to see the expression of hesitation on the man's face before he asks, "What do you know about the End?" 

What does he know about the End? He has to think and recall all the vague memories he has of it as he lists them off slowly, "... Other realm… endless void… endermen… Dragon legend… Dad likes it there…" 

"Does your father have magic?" Xisuma's sudden question nearly makes him jump but he manages to only flinch instead. The admin doesn't comment on his reaction even though Xisuma has been watching him while he was listing things off.

Does Phil have magic? He has to actually think about the things Phil has or does that he's just accepted are a part of Phil that are probably not normal. There are only a few things he can think of off the top of his head for sure, "Wings… World walking… This is his…"

He holds up his left wrist to Xisuma so the admin can see the wristband he's wearing more clearly. Xisuma looks at the band for a moment before coming closer to inspect it. 

"May I?" Xisuma asks. He nods and goes to remove it but Xisuma holds up a hand to stop him, "You don't have to remove it, don't worry, I just want to get a closer look."

Xisuma gently takes his wrist and stares directly at the wristband. It's kind of weirdchamp but he doesn't find it all that awkward actually. After a few moments Xisuma hums in understanding, "Hardcore? So your dad's an ascended player then. An old one too at the likes of it. That explains it."

"Wha…?" He questions, not really processing what he's being told. How did Xisuma know Phil was a hardcore player? What was an ascended player? He knows Phil was old but he wasn't that old was he? 

"What do I mean?" Xisuma asks, once more chuckling at his rapid nod in response. He doesn't think Xisuma is making fun of him though and he likes the admin solely for that alone. Xisuma hums for a moment before beginning to explain, "Well not only did I find you, a human, out in the deep End where the air should be too thin for you to breathe normally. You were completely unharmed and not even seemingly aware of the coldness in the thin air of the void. The End, my home, went out of its way to call me back there and lead me to you. Something that no doubt cost quite a lot both from the universe and your father. The fact that you were not only there but alive and guarded by the void itself, means your father is loved quite a lot by the End. And because he loves you so dearly that means the End adores you just the same."

That's a lot to process at once. He finds himself blankly trying to make sense of all that information until he feels a warm potion bottle being pressed into his hands. He takes it without thinking and drinks some of it before stopping. Bleh, he forgot how bad these tasted. Thankfully it kicks in rather quickly and he manages to get enough of his brain back in working order to ask a full question this time, "... Then why, why am I here?" 

Xisuma looks at him expectantly and he drinks more of the potion without even thinking about it. Xisuma smiles with an approving nod and he ignores how he feels about that. He does not have the time he needs to unpack all of that right now because Xisuma starts talking again, "I don't want to make guesses or speculate on a situation I don't know anything of, but while I said you are unharmed I only meant physically and even then really only unharmed currently. You have a number of scars that some of the players in this world don't have despite a history of fighting. I was told to watch over you until your dad could come for you and while I can only make guesses as to what that entails I'm fairly certain your father wanted to make sure you were safe in his absence. As for what your dad would currently be doing, well I'd wager a guess it has something to do with all this corruption clinging to your code like pollen to a bee. Goodness me I haven't even really tried to deal with it because I know people are sensitive to having others digging through their code but this is ridiculous."

Phil wanted him to be safe. He doesn't know why but he believes it more when Xisuma says it than when he read it in Phil's letter. Phil wanted him safe while he was fixing something with the smp. But what was wrong with it? Corruption? Code? He has no fucking clue what Xisuma is talking about, "My code?" 

Xisuma nods at his question, "Yes your code. It's what makes you, well you. It's the thing that allows you to come and go between worlds at ease. To respawn upon dying and travel between overworld, nether, and end."

"I don't see anything." He says looking down at himself curiously. This is the first time he's ever heard of this code shit. 

"Would you like to?" Xisuma asks and it's not even a making fun of him question, but a genuine offer. He feels excited about learning something new and can't help the smile that breaks out on his face when he nods. Xisuma shakes his head amused but gestures to the half drunken potion in Tommy's hands, "Drink the rest of that potion and I'll show you."

"Bleh." He complains after finishing the potion. A small price to pay for cool new knowledge. Xisuma laughs at his response when the admin takes the empty bottle from him and he feels embarrassed about it. 

"You're right, they're not very good but trust me they used to be worse. Give me a moment to readjust the settings here for you." Xisuma explains, picking up his discarded helmet from earlier before he fiddles with it. At least he wasn't making fun of Tommy's response or telling him he was just being a big baby. He decides to ignore those thoughts and thankfully is given the opportunity to when Xisuma says, "Alright, go ahead and put this on then."

He takes the helmet which isn't as heavy as he thought it would be. It's certainly not as heavy as netherite or even diamond. He swallows his sudden anxiety and sticks in on before he can overthink it. He looks around the room confused, "Nothing looks different?"

"Give me a moment here… " Xisuma says, trailing off as a screen pops up at the admin's finger tips. It just looks like a translucent blue screen which glows white wherever Xisuma taps it. It looks like the admin is typing but he can't see anything on the screen so it just seems random. Xisuma stops tapping at the screen finally to ask,"How about now?" 

He's confused because nothing changes at first. Then like a furnace roaring to life suddenly there's a flash of purple across the visor as everything suddenly gains a slight glow around it. It's pretty pog to see, "Woah"

"Okay so look at my arm here, what do you see?" Xisuma asks, holding an arm out between them. 

"An arm? Wait it's got all these little numbers popping up around it…" He watches amazed by the numbers. They radiate off the admins arm, briefly glowing white before vanishing from view. 

Xisuma nods,"Now look at your own arm, what do you see?" 

"It's also an arm. Wait the numbers, why are they all glitchy like that? What's this weird glow?" He likes this. He thinks it super cool right up until he looks at his own arm and it does not pass the vibe check. The numbers coming off his arm are like vibrating in the air. Appearing like static in a mess of colors before vanishing much sooner than the ones around Xisuma did. 

His attention is pulled away from it when Xisuma talks again and he turns to look at the admin who watches him with a look he can't decipher, "That, my friend, is the corruption."

"Oh… wait, the wristband…" He nods mutely and goes to pull off the helmet when the wristband catches his eye. It's surrounded in a soft, solid green glow with no glitchy numbers but rather opaque blue boxes. Like the screen Xisuma was tapping earlier but this one has white text on it. He looks at it and starts to read, "Health bar, monitors player's health and displays it. Currently tracking,... Dad."

"If you look at the details of how it works, you'd find it's a set. One wristband out of two. The other, is connected to you." Xisuma explains, tapping on the floating description next to the wristband. Indeed there is a whole description he doesn’t bother to read but he does notice the 1/2 in the corner of the tiny screen. 

That’s why he has one of Phil’s wristbands? So Phil can make sure he’s still alive? He hesitates for a moment but asks despite feeling stupid for asking, "So if I died he would know?" 

Xisuma hums, considering it before answering, "Not quite? Because your dad's a hardcore player it's set directly to his code. Hardcore players take damage directly to their code, or well a subsection of their code. Your dad has it wired so if either your own code or his code starts to become so corrupted then it will be displayed on the corresponding wristband. It's a genius design in these bands if the other makes the matching set I'm assuming it does."

He has no idea what they’re currently talking about. He has so many questions, "But he doesn't stay in his hardcore world?" 

"Even so, his base code is written for a hardcore player. It'd be the same as a hybrid player, where their base code contains their hybridness? That didn't work quite the way I wanted it to." Xisuma explains. When the admin looks at his face though its very clear that he has no idea what Xisuma is trying to tell him. He thinks about hybrid players, people who aren’t human, usually part mob or something and then thinks about the bee theme.

"Are you a hybrid player?" He asks before thinking about it. 

"That's quite the personal question." Xisuma answers looking surprised. 

"Shit my bad, … I wasn't aware it was personal. I just can't tell if the bee thing is an outfit or not." He explains hoping Xisuma won’t be too mad.

Xisuma looks even more surprised by him swearing, "Does your father know about your language?" 

"You sound like Bad does! Yes he knows and he doesn't care!" He groans, waving off the concern. He wasn’t twelve, what was wrong with swearing?

"Alright, alright just asking." Xisuma assures him before saying, "As for the bee theme, it is just an outfit."

"It is? But the bees seem to like you more than they even like… A friend…" He trails off looking down as his thoughts drift to the people he’s left behind back on the smp. Even if it had felt like a rift had been forming between him and Tubbo, they were still best friends. 

Xisuma doesn’t comment on his weird sentence thankfully, "Hmm well I can't give away all my secrets to someone whom I don't even know the name of." 

"Tommy."

"What was that?"

He looks up and repeats himself, "My name is Tommy."

"Well then Tommy, allow me to formally welcome you to Hermitcraft. I'll show you around and such tomorrow when I'm sure you won't faint on me, though for now I will be needing my helmet back." Xisuma says, gesturing to the helmet still on his head.

He pulls the helmet off and hands it over, "Oh shit, sorry." 

"No need to apologize, I did let you use it after all." Xisuma tells him, taking the helmet back and fiddling with it for a moment before putting it back on. It was strange to see the admin with the helmet on again but he guessed this was the usual norm. Xisuma stands up and checks something on his communicator. Idly he wondered where his own communicator had wound up before his train of thought is derailed by Xisuma offering, "Well if you feel up to it I could show you around my base here for today so you're not bored in bed all day."

That sounded so much better than being bored in bed all day. 

* * *

Xisuma's base was incredible. Not only did he base stretch through multiple tower buildings full of so many different redstone contraptions he had never seen, but he was the only one who even lived here! It was entirely his base and his base alone! And it was full of bees! They were so cuddly and soft! He didn't know bees could hang around people so much! Even Tubbo's bees got bored of them eventually and went back to doing bee things. And Tubbo's bees loved Tubbo! Not only that but the amount of resources the admin had! It was ridiculous! Phil was the only person he knew with this many resources. Well Phil and Techno but he didn't want to think about Techno so only Phil. 

At some point Xisuma went to go check something or whatever, he had stopped paying attention to the admin when a couple bees flew over and started buzzing around him. Eventually he sat down in this grassy area with the same bees who all piled around him. A fuzzy bee pile. It was nice. He really was curious as to why these bees were so friendly. But for now he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Its warm, soft, and safe. He doesn’t even realize it when he falls asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter (maybe this weekend?): Tommy meets most of the other hermits and learns that his experiences are not universal. if anything was confusing to read u can ask questions here or @spruceplank on tumblr and id be happy to answer! Thank you for reading!
> 
> comments and kudos r appreciated :D!


	3. Tommy: It comes in waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo gays, gamers, and gaymers i return with a new chapter. this one had me stuck for a while but it is finally here! 
> 
> CONTENT WARNING: There are descriptions of a panic attack this chapter so just a heads up.

When Xisuma asks him if he wants to go to the server shopping district, he immediately says yes. It doesn't matter that this meeting is going to be for Xisuma telling the rest of the server he's here for now. It doesn't matter that it's like twenty plus people he's never met before in his life. He's not worried about it at all! If it means he gets to see more amazing buildings like Xisuma's base but now from so many different people he's all for it! If only he could get himself to believe it. 

When Xisuma leads him to a nether portal he's starting to think this wasn't the best idea. He manages to pass it off as being worried about piglins and Xisuma assures him that their nether hub is spawn proofed, well at least the parts they'd be going through. 

That's not something he's sure of but he decides to continue to trust Xisuma for now, at least on this. When he goes through the portal though, if it weren't for the sweltering heat he would not believe this was the nether. He doesn't have time to even look around at the place because he's too busy trying to catch up to Xisuma who's already off walking towards another portal. Hermitcraft huh… Was everything on this server so extravagant and resource intensive? The only other place he's seen so much warped or crimson wood is in the respective forests they come from. 

He's too busy gawking at the massive tunnel, made out of crying obsidian of all things, that he almost misses Xisuma going through another portal. Thankfully he manages to catch a glimpse of yellow in the corner of his eye and he scrambles over to follow the admin through the portal. Upon stepping out the other side he immediately thinks that this has to be some sort of fever dream. There are diamonds in the trees. And not even like just a couple, like as many diamonds as Technoblade owns and that's a lot of fucking diamonds. He looks around and is just blown away. 

This is a fully paved and detailed shop like area. This is the kinda shit he remembers seeing on servers dedicated to shopping where days of work were spent to make a server area look nice. There's an entire series of stylized buildings that are all completely different scattered about and then he turns around - Holy Fucking Shit. There's a fucking diamond throne. There is a throne made of diamond blocks, literally only diamond blocks in the building behind him. It doesn't matter if it's only the front of the throne or its hollow on the inside, that, holy fucking shit. _How many diamonds even is that?_

He doesn't even realize he's stopped walking until Xisuma is asking, "Tommy? Are you alright?" 

"What the fuck." Is all he manages to say. Why the fuck is there a dog in a jumpsuit. Do those sheep have sunglasses on? What the hell is going on around here? 

"Excuse me?" Xisuma balks.

There's, that's a fucking terraformed mountain. He bites the inside of his cheek to make sure he's not having a hallucination or in the middle of a fever dream. Nope, neither of those. He really can't put thoughts into words right now so all he manages to say is, "What the fuck is this place." 

"The shopping district?" Xisuma hesitantly supplies. He needs Xisuma to know how crazy this is to him. What the actual shit. 

"Dude, Xisuma, how? There's, there's fucking diamonds in the trees. The throne, the throne of diamond blocks. It's just sitting there? Hello? How has no one stolen that? Then there's the fucking buildings! What the fuck!" He yells, half laughing because he feels like he's losing his mind a little bit. 

"Welcome to Hermitcraft, your one stop shop for over the top." A new voice chimes in from behind him, sounding amused. 

"Hello Joe." Xisuma greets the other person, Joe. He turns to look at whoever it is and finds a dude with a basic blue shirt and jeans. The blue shirt has a white @ symbol on it. Brown hair hangs slightly over the edge of rectangular glasses. 

Joe gives Tommy a smile when their eyes meet and he feels like the man is staring into his soul when he greets, "Howdy Xisumavoid and guest, you're up and around much faster than I thought you would be."

"Right introductions! Tommy this is Joe Hills, pseudo admin and poet. And Joe this is Tommy." Xisuma 

"Hiya Tommy, nice to meet you." Joe offers a hand which he shakes.

"Thanks, you too." He nods to Joe.

Joe smiles at him again and he thinks that maybe its not Joe, maybe he just isn’t used to people being friendly without an ulterior motive that makes him so nervous about meeting the man. He’s distracted from his thoughts when Joe asks, "So did Xisuma tell you much about this server?" 

"Uh… No, not really?" At least he hopes not. He didn’t remember much of anything. It was called Hermitcraft. Xisuma was the admin. Uh…. 

Joe sends a look to Xisuma who merely sputters in response for a moment before defending himself with an explanation, "I didn't want to overwhelm him! He thought my base was a lot yesterday so I figured he could learn as he went."

"So you didn't want to overwhelm him but then you brought him to the shopping district for the emergency meeting where you're going to tell most everyone on this server that Tommy will be here for the foreseeable future with no other explanation? And you didn't want to overwhelm him?" Joe continues to send a look of what he can only call ‘displeased parental figure’ at Xisuma as he asks. Yikes, he’s seen that enough from Philza Minecraft to know that even if it doesn't mean you’re in trouble it certainly means this wasn’t your brightest idea. 

"Okay, fair point." Xisuma sighs.

"Is everything on this server like this?" He can’t help but ask nervously. There was no way right? But no, Xiusma’s base was insane. The nether hub was also insane too.

Joe laughs lightly, "Tommy there are things on this server that will blow your mind, this is just a small glimpse of what Hermitcraft is like."

"Fucking hell." He can’t help but mutter. 

"Well I wouldn't want to spoil the surprises of Hermitcraft either. After all, where's the fun in that." Joe grins at Xisuma who merely shakes his head in response to the man’s antics. Joe rolls his eyes but starts walking away only to call over this shoulder, "Alright follow me you two, Xisuma is going to be late to his own meeting."

"We'll have time! Someone else is always late!" Xisuma yells after Joe.

"Yeah but some of us, have things we would like to get back to. Remember this was just brought up yesterday." Joe yells back without stopping or turning around. Xisuma grumbles under his breath but gestures for Tommy to follow him after Joe. Well at least these two seemed like good friends. Hopefully that would bode well for him. But then again, he and Quackity used to be good friends too. 

* * *

"Hello everyone and thank you all for coming on such a short notice." Xisuma addresses the crowd gathered around the outside of a building. Apparently this was the moon area? He didn’t know what the surface of the moon would look like but here in the center of all of this it certainly looked out of place. Pretty bleak too but there were so many different blocks blended together he had to give whoever built this area props for the block varieties. He stands a little behind one of the various pillars in the ground near where Xisuma is so he’s not visible to the others because he doesn’t want people staring at him right now. Its weird to occasionally peek around and see all these people in the same place talking nicely with one another. He’s used to only seeing fighting when large crowds gather. The area gets silent after Xisuma talks.

"What's this all about anyways?" Someone asks.

He expects Xisuma to ask him to come forward but the admin doesn’t even look his way when answering, "We have a guest who will be staying here on Hermitcraft with us for the foreseeable future. I expect you to all be on your best behavior."

"Why did you look at me when you said that?!" Someone cries out, sounding offended.

There’s a round of laughter when someone teases, "I don't know mother spore, why do you think?" 

The first voice snipes back, "Hey! You're in on that too!" 

"Yeah but you started it! Besides everyone knows the HEP is the best around here." The second voice throws back with a huff, "Maybe we'll recruit our new guest to join us as well."

Someone else chimes in, "Oh no don't you dare! What if he wants to join our side? Not you HEP people!" 

"Nuh huh! He'd join our side after just touring our base!" Another voice retorts back and he peaks around the pillar to look at the group of people. He can’t really make out who is who or who’s been speaking. But now he’s curious.

"Sides of what?" He can’t help but ask, hoping that someone will answer without looking for him.

A man with a pinstripe suit talks without even realizing it was Tommy who asked, "The opposing sides of the war-" 

Opposing sides of the war. _Opposing sides of the war_ . **_The opposing sides of the war._ ** He’s running from the battlefield before he even realizes he’s gone. He hears someone call his name and a few others echo that call but he won’t go back there. Please, please, please no. He hears the sounds of withers and explosions. He can hear the opposing side’s cheers as his friends die. _It was never meant to be._ The final control room. Eret betrayed them. They all lost a life. He’s already lost two lives. He only has one left. His brother is dead. Wilbur is dead. That’s a good thing right? It means his brother won’t have to suffer anymore. He couldn’t save his brother. He couldn’t save his best friend.

He doesn’t know where he is. The ground is hard beneath him but he can’t breath. Is it possible to drown on dry land? Why is he just sitting here? They’ll catch him if he doesn’t keep running. He pushes himself off white walls and turns to run only to smack into someone coming around the corner of the building. 

He’s knocked back to the ground and the world spins. Over the sound of his own heartbeat in his ear he can sorta make out someone say, "A Kid?" 

"Oh no." Everything sounds far away. There are people here. He's walked right into two of the enemies. He's as good as dead. 

He has to leave. He has to run while they're distracted. He tries to get himself up from the ground only to fail and fall back down against the hard stone. Someone is asking him a question, "Woah dude, are you alright?" 

Are they asking him a question? He squints, trying to make out the people in front of him. The world comes together to see a person with a moustache and someone with a robot eye. He doesn't know these people. He shuts his eyes again and curls in on himself. He doesn't understand. What is going on? Why is he so scared? Why can't he breathe? 

"Iskall he's having a panic attack." One of the people says. He recognizes the words. A panic attack? It sounds familiar but when he tries to remember why all he can hear is laughter blending into explosions. The world is shaking. The ground crumbles beneath him and - there's something touching his arm. 

He wretches away from the touch, eyes shooting open to identify the threat. It's the person with the robot eye. They're holding up their hands in a non threatening way. They're not a threat to Tommy. Their voice is warm when they ask, "Can you hear me? Is it okay to touch you?" 

The thought of them not being a threat is quickly overrun by maniacal laughter. _Let's be the bad guys, let's be the bad guys._ Wilbur wasn't a threat before. People change. He can't trust anyone. The mustached person watches him before turning to robot eye and quietly saying, "Iskall I don't think he can hear us, we need to go get-" 

"NO!" He chokes out on half a breath. No, no, no, no, no. He doesn't know these people. He doesn't trust them. But what if they bring back someone he does know? What if it's an enemy? What if it's one of his brothers? He'd rather leave his fate to strangers than anyone he knew. 

"Alright alright, can you match my breathing? In and out, in and out, may I see your hand?" Robot eye, what was the name, he doesn't remember what the other person said. Robot eye asks for his hand, holding out one of their own like a request. He doesn't want to take it. He doesn't want to take it. _A grounding presence. Calm the breathing. Match my breathing._ Static fills his head in the places where memories should be. He holds out his hand. Robot eye gently maneuvers his violently shaking hand onto their chest, he can feel a steady heartbeat beneath his palm. The slow, exaggerated rise and fall of their chest. They're talking to him again, "See just time it with mine okay? Don't think about it, just follow what you feel."

He feels like he's drowning. He feels like the world is shaking. He chokes on his own sobbing and panicked breathing, "They, don't, don't let -"

"Hey, hey it's okay, it's okay. Just match my breathing okay?" Robot eye whispers to him. Gently tapping his wrist to get his attention. Through blurry vision he can make out the fact they're counting but he can't hear the numbers. 

"Can't, can't, too loud." Even his own words sound like a roar in his ears. He's going to die here isn't he? _This is where they died, this is where it ended. The cramped walls of the ravine loom over him as yelling echoes from nearby. Its too loud here, its always too loud here._

"Mumbo, do the Sahara protocol." Robot eye says to mustache. 

Mustache, Mumbo?, looks bewildered at Robot eye who merely nods with a raised eyebrow as if saying to speak. Mumbo sighs but starts to explain something, "So you start by selecting the items you want which sends the order keys back -" 

He tries to focus on whatever is being said but it's so over his head that he doesn't even know what the hell is being said. In a brief respite of everything not being deafeningly loud, he can hear the Robot eye person quietly reassuring him, "There you go, just match my breathing. In and out, in and out."

"When the order key… gets sent back to the warehouse… the connected...." Mumbo’s voice fades in and out as he tries to calm his breathing. His heartbeat pounds loudly in his head and everything seems muffled as he tries to make sense of the world.

"Conn- connect the what?" He struggles to ask through shaky words. What the fuck is this dude talking about? Didn’t he hear something about pistons?

There’s a pressure on his wrist as someone, Robot eye, squeezes his arm lightly to get his attention. Its a little hard to hear but he can make out the concerned voice that tells him, "Hey, hey, don't speak, no speaking until you're matched up your breathing."

So he sits there and listens to whatever the fuck is being talked about. He closes his eyes and just listens. This has to be about redstone. He’s heard repeater and comparator which he’s pretty sure are redstone things? His knowledge of anything beyond basic pistons and stuff is basically nothing. Eventually it feels like he isn’t dying anymore. He opens his eyes to see Mumbo pacing back and forth as he talks. 

"And then once the shulker box loader is done," Mumbo is just making up words at this point. What the fuck is a shulker box? A loader? Are these English words? He’s too busy trying to figure out what the fuck a shulker box loader that he misses more of whatever is being said. He only snaps out of his own thoughts when Mumbo finally stops pacing, "Until finally the order arrives and you can remove your items from the shulker box." 

He stares up at Mumbo, hoping that he looks as confused as he feels. When Mumbo merely shrugs he looks towards the other person who asks, "Better now?" 

"Yeah, what the fuck was all that?" He questions, ignoring how raspy his voice sounds.

Mumbo looks at him like he’s the one making up words, "The panic attack or the redstone?" 

"You were talking about redstone!?" He can’t help but squawk.

"Yeah?" Robot eye hesitantly answers.

Everyday he is just a little bit closer to losing his mind like Wilbur did, "What the fuck."

The conversation forcibly switches topics when Robot eye suddenly points at him and declares, "Oh wait you're that Tommy kid!" 

"I'm not a kid!" He instinctively bites back before he realizes what was just said and pauses for a moment. He never told these people his name, "But my name is Tommy, how did you know that?"

"Dude we've met before, remember MCC?" Does he remember what now?

"What's MCC?" He asks confusedly. Why were these two saying fake words at him? Wasn’t it enough that he had a panic attack? 

"Minecraft Championships, run by Noxcrew? If you don't remember me then surely you remember False and Ren right?" Robot Eye person presses. The other two share a concerned look and he feels like he’s missing out on some inside joke. 

"Um.. You sure are saying words to me…" He tries to laugh it off but it really doesn’t work. He sure hopes he’s not supposed to remember these people.

"You're joking." Robot eye states and maybe he flinches a little at that.

"Uh…" He looks between the two of them trying to grasp any sort of name from his memory but he's only coming up with a whole lotta nothing. 

Mumbo awkwardly clears his throat, "Iskall I don't think he's joking."

They all sit there in the weird silence where the air hangs heavier than when he was in the middle of the panic attack. He realizes that his hand is still awkwardly held out against Iskall’s chest where he can still feel the other’s heartbeat. He bites the inside of his cheek, trying to push past the uncomfortable weirdness that he feels because everyone is going to be aware of what he’s doing and focus on him again at the movement. When he finally works up the courage to do so its right as Mumbo says, “We should probably tell the others you’re here.”

Immediately his world seems to darken at the edges of his vision. There’s hands on his shoulders and his eyes snap open, _when did he even close them?_ , to see Iskall looking at him with concern, "Tommy, Tommy just breathe. It's to let Xisuma know you're safe. He becomes a mother hen when he's worried."

He nods weakly, trying to remember how to breath again. He hates this. Hates feeling like this. Hates having to rely on others for something so stupid. His breathing stutters to a more even pattern slowly. Mumbo holds up his communicator which is open to a private chat with Xisuma, "I'll even send a private message to Xisuma, do you want to watch me do it?"

He doesn’t understand why these two are being so kind to him. But he does want to watch Mumbo message Xisuma. Because even if they were nice to him, he still couldn’t trust them. He watches the messages pop up over Mumbo’s shoulder from where the man shifts to sit down next to him against whatever building is at his back.

_MumboJumbo: Hey X, me and Iskall found your lost guest. We're probably taking him back to the jungle for a bit._

He wonders what the jungle is aside from being a biome. Is that where these two live? He is thankful that wherever it is, its somewhere out of this shopping district.

_Xisumavoid: Oh thank goodness you have him, is he okay?_

He feels bad for making Xisuma worry. Why does he always mess everything up? 

_MumboJumbo: He's physically unharmed and a little shaken up still but he's okay_

_Xisumavoid: Okay? Why don't I believe that?_

_MumboJumbo: Iskall says to remember the fifth? What does that mean?_

_Xisumavoid: Tell Iskall I want to talk to him later but otherwise I'll leave Tommy in your hands. Thanks, you two._

He can’t help but feel even worse at Xisuma’s trust. He has to clear his throat but he manages to rasp out, “Te- tell him I said hi. And, and that I’m sorry.”

_MumboJumbo: Sounds good, Tommy says hi and sorry by the way._

_Xisumavoid: There's nothing to be sorry for Tommy, but hello back :P_

_MumboJumbo: :P_

He zones out for most of the trip wherever they take him. The jungle right? It's only when he blindly stumbles into Iskall's back for a third time in the nether that he's forced into a piggyback ride. He passes out before they even leave the nether. Maybe letting other people help him is okay, just this once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we get some more lore details and an outsider's perspective on Tommy's situation! kudos and comments r much loved!! stay safe and take care y'all <3


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